Making life all about the active verbs

In Journalism school they stress on always using the active verb over the passive. As if to always stress on doing rather than to do. Something more purposeful in those words—walking, morphing, engaging, creating…I was telling someone today that I feel like I am changing. Like the old pieces of me are dry and crumbling down and making way for new pieces and perspectives. You are the sum total of all your experiences and as I get defined and redefined so are you.

I know we have all heard change is a good thing but I can admit this unabashedly I dread it. I am so happy in the warm comfort of all things familiar like old friends, books and my favourite quilt. But, change will come knocking, no matter how much you try to avoid. Sometimes, you are just where you were but those around you change and then that catapults you into change.

Now this is where you should know that it is OKAY. It is okay to want something different than what you set yourself out to want. It’s okay to fall out of love. It’s okay to find a friend different and not on your wave length as you are changing and evolving. It’s okay if your dreams are different from your husband/wife. It’s okay if your parents beliefs and ideals are not your own.

Now the scary part of change is not knowing what awaits you when you open that door. But change it demands to come in, it needs your whole body not just bits of you. Change will always come sweeping in and ripping into your life. It will want to rearrange your life like IKEA would want to your dull living room. It really is okay. Don’t be afraid if you are changing. If you are not in love any longer. If you are not passionate about someone or something. The whole thing about life is the journey and the equation of your life involves variables that come and go. Parts of this equation have to change so that new results can be met.

Just have dreams that are bigger than your tiny feet and stay on course those dreams. Once you do that learn to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ whenever required. I am still struggling with this one. When you feel like staying, stay. When you want to run, runaway. Maybe this time leave a note.

You need to let go of all the lies the world feeds you and the biggest lie that it tells you is that you cannot become someone different if you want to be. You can and you will. I promise you that.

Accept that things will never feel or seem the same. That’s just life. You grow out of one another. Friends say goodbyes. You shut doors. Someone opens a new one. You shut it again, scared and confused. The good never lasts but so does the bad. Sometimes goodbyes bring miracles with all the heartbreak. Sometimes you need to find your life falling apart to find yourself.

Yes, it  would seem nicer if you could see the change before it rushed you into newness. But then again, there is a reason why it does not work that way.

There’s got to be a reason why I have to become someone new but I can’t know everything about that new girl just yet.  I can’t know about my new life and the person I am to become right away. It’s the process. The unknown in this process is what gets you in the end. It’s what makes your story worth telling. The surprise package that awaits you. So, maybe we should check it out? How about we open that door now?

The universe is listening

So I know I haven’t written in a while. I have missed you. I hope you have been well.

I went off the grid on a little trek up to the clouds recently and the pressure of trips that involve crazy beautiful views is you always hope that in a quiet moment a sudden epiphany hits you in an almost magical-movie-like scene. You hope that the winds gush past your face gently whispering sweet nothings, the sun is big and bright but not harsh enough to make you squint, its a warm glow and the silence of nature engulfs you, leaving you with your thoughts. But, I normally feel the epiphanies of life hitting me in chaos, a bus ride, airports, being stuck in traffic. So the calm is unfamiliar territory. I was sceptical because that is what I do. I question everything, putting everything through the sieve of reasoning.

I have always rationalised things, and loved putting things in little tiny boxes with pretty labels on them. I call it compartmentalising my life. Its a weave of very fragile networks of feelings, memories and dreams that are balancing on a thin yet taut wire of hope.

So I said epiphany or not, I am going to have fun on this trip. And I did just that. On the way back from our final trek, down the Himalayan range, we stopped and I took a short walk to pick up a few pebbles by the river to remember the trip by and was grateful for the gift of this life. I looked up and it happened. Wind, sun and can you believe it a freaking rainbow. I thought to myself in a quasi-jungian afterthought that like the river there is really no stopping what happens to you, rocks, curves and sharp edges are bound to come along, you just embrace this life, its the only one you have and let the universe in and hope it turns out okay and maybe the universe will gift you a rainbow.

I have never really been a believer of the whole universe conspiring for you-Paulo Coelho-theory. But, this year has been an eye-opener. The universe is real and it’s got one hell of a sense of humour. You know how the believers warn you-Be careful what you wish for it may come true, Be careful what you put out in the universe. Well, I cannot tell you how true that is. Everyday I spot things, signs, I meet people, get random messages that constantly take me places, rush me to thoughts that are manifestations of what my heart wants but the head nods against. It’s that dare to dream moment against all odds. Whatever has to happen will and whatever your story is, is beautiful. You want to become a millionaire, write a book, make a movie, own a restaurant, get hitched, have nine kids, have one last saucy affair, vacation in Peru. Whatever you want however big or small it is. You have to let it manifest, believe in it and let the universe take over. Caveat, the universe won't harm, so if you plan a murder or suicide or both, I doubt this is going to help much. It may, I am yet to meet a criminal/psychopath to test this theory with and I don't want to. (This is me NOT putting it out in the universe)

The more you put out into the universe the more it gives you back. It is a kind-hearted soul always listening and waiting for you to let go so it can start working and you can rest. You ask for things and hope for things but you are scared and I know this because I am just the same. The only thing standing between you and what you want is the fear you fester that it may not happen. Let go. The universe wants to help you be who you are meant to be so stop fighting it. Let it work its way into your story, because what your story is, is beautiful.