20 seconds of courage

You need just 20 seconds of courage to change your life around.

So it's Sunday afternoon, I am baking a triple chocolate brownie and the house smells amazing.
I flick the TV on and We bought a zoo is playing. It's that scene where Matt Damon is showing his two kids where he first met his wife. For those of you who haven't seen this movie Matt tells them that in life to succeed all they need is 20 seconds of insane courage and something amazing will come out of it.
 Matt saw his wife through the window of that very same diner. He was on the street and he saw her and thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Matt re-enacts the moment for his kids. How he stood outside looking at her, how he was nervous but then he just grabbed his 20 seconds of courage.  He just walked up to her and said excuse me and she smiled back, and he said "Why would someone so amazing talk to a guy like me" and she replied "Why not?"
Ofcourse, they got married had two kids. But, what if he chose to walk past her? He would have never had the life he did.

Sometimes, I think that we overthink things. I know I definitely do. But, just taking a leaf from this movie and what Matt had to say to his kids. I wish we all took more risks, we didn't wait. We went ahead and used our 20 seconds of courage.

Send that text, make that call, sign that contract, meet that ex, eat that cake, hug that friend, give him your number, join the random adventure trip, smile at the stranger with your favourite book, start that blog.

Matt didn't just tell his kids how he met his wife, he taught them the concept of possibilities. Why not?

Ask yourself why not? Every time a sense of self-doubt takes over. If it feels right, if your gut tells you to go with it. Go for it. I am not suggesting a completely up in the air decision. Weigh your pros and cons. But, please don't get clouded by the cons. The pros are there for a reason.

In the words of the immortal genius of U2's "Stuck in a moment" song:
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't wait to make your dreams come true. Imagine this, if all the great thinkers, scientists, lovers, inventors, game changers, had all waited and walked past their window of opportunity, then nothing innovative, beautiful or life-affirming would have ever happened. Life would seize to exist as we know it. Your happiness is just a 20 second courageous moment away, go be awesome.

Airport departure halls, also have arrivals.

She remembered reading somewhere that the farthest distance in the world is the distance between two people when one is walking away in the opposite direction. And in that moment she  knew this to be true.That evening as she watched a pair of converse shoes walk away from her into the abysmal crowd of suitcases, trolleys and departure announcements, she thought her life was over. She feared that she would never feel the same way again. She liked who she was when she was around him. She forgot that she was just being herself. Finally, free.

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Fear. It is the one emotion that is as overpowering as love.  It is also the one emotion that can be overcome by hope. I remember sitting down with a friend over a cup of tea and complaining about how nothing ever works out for me and I always end up feeling disappointed. And in the middle of my little rant, this almost always indulging individual just asked me to stop.The proverbial reality slap occurred. I was reminded how blessed I am, how hopeful I am for all the people in my life. How generous I am with my time and energy and that I have the best intentions for even strangers. So while I sound like a Hallmark card, it also means I am bound to get disappointed and hurt. This friend just shrugged and said, “Your hurt, your misfortunes, your regrets are what make you, and who you are in the now and the future. Besides, you realise you are really living.” This was just what I needed to hear. And it has changed the way I look at things and it has worked for me. No, I did not turn into a millionaire overnight or move to an Italian island with my lover or win the Pulitzer. But, I have more perspective.

So the fear is not about what people will make you feel if you let them, of course. The fear is that  in the absence of them in your life, you will find a void. An emptiness that can choke you. The truth is I felt like this for a long time. If you live in the fear of losing people or experiences, the fear will direct you to eventually do just that.

The shortest distance between you and your dream is the first step in the direction. So take that step. Go from the departure to the arrivals hall. Be scared, know it is human to feel that. But also wholeheartedly give life a shot. You have to be all in, or nothing at all.

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She kept repeating to herself his last words, “Don’t change”. She felt a smile creep up on her face through those tears. She walked out of the departure gates of the airport and realised she couldn't find the keys to her car and when she looked back she saw him stand there waiting for her with the key in his hand. Right then, the departure announcement shouted out the final boarding calls and they stood their protecting very selfishly what they wanted to say to each other and the silence allowed for the moment to pass, for the flight to depart, and for her to walk out alone, smiling, safe in the knowledge that she was going to be okay. With him, without him.

Godfather part 1 is worth the wait

One of my favourite words of all time is 'Serendipity'- it means a fortunate accident. And this is pretty much how I stumbled upon the film Serendpity starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. Written by Mark Klien who also wrote the Russell Crowe starrer A Good Year, which is another gem and demands a separate post. The movie has stuck with me not because it has a fresh plot, an unpredictable ending or an inspiring narrative. I love the movie for its dialogues. It revolves around the notion that the universe conspires to bring two people together and no matter the time and distance that rips them apart, they find their way back to each other.
Jonathan Trager, played by a young John Cusack, is fraught by the notion that his impending marriage to his college girlfriend is a mistake because he keeps remembering this one magical night he spends with a complete stranger in New York City. And when his best man tells him to give up this romantic notion, Jonathan tells him that this magical mystery woman is like Godfather part 1, and no matter how brilliant the part 2 is, you have to watch part 1 to appreciate the sequel. The larger question to me that this scene brings to light, is the question of 'settling'.
I get asked by relatives, family and even friends, why I am still single? Well, it's because I refuse to end up with Godfather Part 2. Why didn't I chose a more lucrative career? Well, it's because being a writer is fulfilling and makes me want to get out of bed every morning.
Once, you have had that really amazing friend that you can pick up the phone at 3am and rant about life's mysteries to, you will automatically see through flippant relationships. My parents, have an enduring marriage, they make it work through distance, wars(given the nature of his job) and even time. And they are my Godfather Part 1. How could I ever settle for less?
So my hope for you is that you never have to settle. Not with love, work or friends. I know a lot of us are scared of making the wrong job move, leaving an unhealthy relationship and moving on from a toxic friendship. But, it is important to surround yourself with people and energies that inspire you. I have friends who refuse to give up on their dreams even if it means being broke, depressed and almost close to losing their mind. But, they rally on in search for their Godfather Part 1.
In the words of Don Corleone from Godfather, "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." Here's what I offer, I offer a fulfilling life.
You try in small ways to not settle and see how the big things work themselves out. You deserve the love, the life and the latte you want. Just like you imagined. Made to order with your name on it!

Choices

Someone today asked me for advice about making a decision. The decision to be with their current partner or to move on. The issues they were faced with were irreconcilable and to a large extent this was an inevitable end for the both of them and they knew this. But they both battled with the idea of letting go. Giving up on the familiar. This friend wondered if walking away from happiness does anyone any good. Are you going to be filled with regret and guilt? Pain almost always settles down like dust on old books but regret claws at you for years. The choice to either give up on love, a life you imagined was everything, or to try and salvage a sinking ship is always a tough one. The truth is not everyone wants what you want. And not everyone is going to get your dream. I know everyone tells you to keep at things, keep believing things will work out but all they are saying is choose happiness. Even it means packing your life in little trunks and moving to a new city, quitting a 9 to 5 job and starting something on your own or maybe picking up the phone and talking to that someone you haven't in a while. Life is sometimes a series of letting go's and not a series of let's make this work. I admire people that stick it out in jobs, relationships and situations for decades. But, I absolutely adore and love people that can pick up the pieces and start afresh. It takes more courage, mettle and gumption to say that ''Hello” after a sad “Goodbye”. You think you are stuck, nothing is working out? So, here's the new flash. That is okay. Happiness is a choice, isn't it? There are so many choices I could make, but only a few that I can’t not make. So make the choices that you cannot avoid. The ones that cause fire in your belly, the ones that light up your eyes when you talk about it, the ones that make you feel alive. In the end, remember, the most toxic, confusing, fulfilling and torrid love affair you will ever have in this lifetime is with yourself. Make it count. Choose the things that you can’t not choose.

Happiness is not a thing

One of my closest friend got married last week and I wrote this for her wedding. It got me thinking that I should put my positive thoughts down somewhere. There is enough pulling us down on a daily basis. So here's a shot of happiness for you from me everyday. :)


 For V, Happiness is not a thing. Don’t search so hard for this happiness thing. People will make you feel like it’s the sort of thing you discover like an epiphany. Happiness is tiny glimpses of “okays” that seep into rather ordinary days. It is bowls of ice cream on a cold wintery day. Dipping your bare feet into a clear ocean. It is finishing something you started and saw through, despite the challenges. Happiness it not giving up even when you thought it was over. Happiness is perfection, not in their eyes but in your eyes. When you find the edges of a circle you sketched on wet sand are soft enough. That is happiness. Because you made it happen, you completed it. Happiness is never overpowering or boisterous, it rarely makes a splash when it walks into a room. It sits perched on a comfy window sill wrapped up in a blanket. On most days, it is almost microscopic. It is shy, humble, invisible but constant like air, it works tirelessly to bring you to life, and never demands. And, if on some days you find that happiness isn’t there, don’t bully yourself. Remember we had our grey days so that the sun like ripe lemons could squeeze its way through those clouds. Sometimes you might not feel ready for this life. Not equipped , not prepared or enough. Not for yourself or for other people. But when someone wants to hold your hand. Not to fill you, fix you or complete you. Just to share you with yourself. Don’t say no. Being ready is not the point, being consumed to produce finished faces, ready and perfect moments in this lifetime is definitely not the point. Quiet moments that don’t need instagram filters, those make up your life. My wish for you is that you always choose life. Life that is filled with passion. Choose the people around your table. Choose the now. It’s precious, urgent and filled with surprises. Take risks, not just the calculated ones. Choose dishes left in the sink. Choose random chats at airports with strangers. Choose dancing under a starry night or a long drive to a place you have never been to. Choose the unknown, befriend it, be kind to it and make it your own. Remember to give happiness a decent shot— take a chance, like you did with me. Love, R August 20th, 2014